I don’t know why I was quite happy those days. I had a feeling that for whom I was searching, at last I found him. But I did not cross check with that Sadhu’s each and every word. The two points, which matched were the name of his daughter ‘Akshita’ and his name Shivanand that starts with the letter ‘S’.
(According to the words of Dattatreya’s word my imaginary friend’s daughter name will be Akshita and one of my friend’s name will start from the letter ‘S’. Here both were matching.) He was my senior manager and elder to me by almost 13 years. But we used to discuss many things. After finishing my college I used to discuss our work plans till 11 O’ clock night. Among all our staff (More than 75 staffs) he used to like me a lot and appreciating my sincere work .He was an engineer on the other hand. He was in such a post where almost 60% of the
I think my achievement at that age was really amazing for everyone and the main inspiration. 19 promotions in 3 years, maintaining my own team of 75 people in 3 states was itself a surprise for many people.
In such a situation suddenly one day my senior Shivanand had left to
That night once again my mind was totally disturbed. Next day evening I met him. He was calm and told me everything that he has resigned the job due to insufficient salary. He told that along with one more colleague he has formed a new firm. They offered me 50,000 Rs. cash to join along with my whole team. I did not utter a single word when they were talking. I was just seeing the changing colours of a person. One more big blow for my belief!
They completed their words and were waiting for my reply. They knew that if I say, ‘Yes’, my whole team of three states would join behind me.
I just asked a simple question, ‘Is money everything in our life? If you think so I’m sorry. There is much more than money for me. First of all it is trust. I’m still wondering whether you are the same person or not. If you think of only yourself and money, then what you did was right. But I can’t be so. This is a thing called honesty, sincerity. I can never go against my heart. Please don’t call me hereafter. I am not a commodity, which is available at the market to buy. Money can never shake my mind. Anyway, all the best for your new venture!’
I just moved from the spot. I don’t know whether I took a right decision or not on that day but when I returned back to home I did not talk to anyone for almost 5 days. Nobody could not understand that why I was so upset because I don’t share personal things with anyone.
That was my last meet with Mr.Shivanand! My heart was deeply hurt on that day when I realised that what we believe as true will not be true most of the times. Then what is true?
Nothing is true! Is that the answer? Still I cannot judge. But it’s really tough when you realise that the person whom you trust more than everyone is just another form of mask. When I returned home our pet dog Maxi was waiting for me. I saw him. I just went near to him and hugged.
‘Animals are far better than human beings. We should learn by them. They at least don’t cheat others for their own sake!’, I felt so.
************
December 25, 2002. Christmas!
Whole world was celebrating Christmas. Many people were waiting to welcome Santa clause. But nobody noticed that a small shackle appeared in my heart, which started to burn my heart and soul gradually day by day. For others I looked normal but inside I was shattering day by day.
The wall of belief, which I was constructing in my heart, was slowly collapsing day by day. Even though I knew it, I was totally helpless. Could not do any thing rather than just by watching it and crying by heart.
‘Oh God! Please stop it. Don’t test me in such a way. Send someone who can rebuild my belief. May be a man Midas touch that can heal everything, who can change everything… May be a magician, may be a Santa who can change my life again, who can once again fill colours in my life.’
I could not concentrate on work at Mangalore office. All those memories started to haunt me. I thought it’s better to leave somewhere far where I could forget all those memories. My next immediate option was
After having my dinner at the station I took my dairy out.
It was December 31, 2002: Last day of the year.
The last two paragraphs of my dairy were as below.
‘Today a relationship has indeed; it’s not going to be an easy task to erase a two-year long relationship almost overnight. The split has come through but the scares still remain. I will not cry and will not feel bad. The past is behind me and I hope it remains that way! All that I have today are fond memories. And it’s these remembrances of the past that will help me to initiate a new future.
In life we have to make choices and then we have got to live with those choices all our life, facing all the consequences. And I think I have to be choosy while becoming close with someone hereafter. Oh God! I hope at least on this New Year. I will be successful in finding my best friends. So far I could not even know who they are- How nice if I would have been able to see today any one of them … At least in my dreams!’
I just closed the dairy and before going to sleep I just had a look outside through the window to check which railway station it was. I couldn’t see the name properly. But before turning my sight I saw a wall poster near to that railway station.
There I saw him..! (Vikram)
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