Part 15: Who was he in real? My inner soul or Guardian angel?

November 4^th, Saturday, 1 AM

I was still sitting outside and enjoying the nature. The thought of Mridula left an ache in my heart. After all Sneham story revolves around two main concepts .One is depression and other is an inspiration. Heart and the mind. Two different thoughts.

Yes. Eureka! I got it! My theme for my poem!

“Tamosoma Jyotirgamaya” (From darkness towards the light)

I involved myself into the poem and kept myself as a character, which was so depressed that night (just in the poem) and how he got inspiration by the nature and takes his life as a challenge.

I didn’t know how the time passed. It was almost 3.30 AM when I completed it. I just had a look on my work and was completely satisfied. Thank god! I made it. I was once again reading the poem. I couldn’t believe that! Just couldn’t believe the fact! Was it me who has penned it? Whether I had that talent? Without any doubt I can say that’s the best poem of my life I ever wrote, that too at midnight. Only I know how much I had cursed my Kannada lecturer just before3 hours. But now I was realising, ‘He knew it! He had that confidence in me. I am extremely sorry, Sir. The whole credit goes to you. If you did not put the pressure I would have never been able to write so. Thanks a lot!’

I knew that Kannada lecturer would be very happy when he reads this and would surely appreciate. Thank god. I was able to keep his faith. I wanted to share with the whole world that I found him for whom I was in search of .The poet within me! I wanted to scream and shout out of sheer happiness.

Eureka! I found. I found him! I succeeded at last.

If I’d shout anybody would have branded me as a mental patient, then. But I knew the happiness when you get something after a long struggle. And in my life I have seen always that when I decided to quit I was getting the thing what I wanted that too at the very last moments. The much needed six at the last ball! The last second’s victory! I don’t know why it happened each and every time in my life but it happens every time.

I don’t think there may not be any person who knows the real taste of it by heart because in everyone’s life they would get success at hardly in their 10th or 12th attempts or may never get it because they simply stop trying but not like me who has to struggle till the very last stage, till the last seconds! But one thing I must say, then only, after struggling so much you will come to know the true value of hard work.

Each and every line was so perfect in my poem. I knew that when I read it in front of hundreds of audience they would be dumbstruck. I’d no doubt in it.

Hey, but why the tears of happiness did not come out my eyes..?Oh, understood. I never gave any importance to my success in my heart so far. May be that was the reason.

I have seen many people becoming emotional and shedding tears out of happiness when they get success. I could understand and respect it but I cannot cry. Neither at the time of utter tragic moment nor at the happiest incident.

Oh my god! Whether I was slowly turning as the rock without any emotions, without any feelings? I was scared!

If the tears of happiness or sorrow did not come out of you eyes then it means it’s turning as an iceberg, which may freeze you entirely emotionally!

The scary thought could not do anything as well. Whether I was slowly becoming a man without any emotions?

Yes. I didn’t know that it was turning into reality. All those tears of happiness or sorrow did not come out of my eyes. I’d never cried in those 13years!

I was turning as Himalayan Mountain, which could never melt by any emotions. Many seasons like tragic incidents might come and but cannot move me as the mountain. Those incidents were not able to bring tears from my eyes. I was getting frigid emotionally. Was it like a boon or a curse? I don’t understand.

I was sitting at the hall. It's 4AM!

Just few hours for the sunrise of November 4th.

The four hours from 12 Am to 4AM. I don’t know how it passed. The only thing I knew was, I was in my own world in search of someone.

But I think fate was laughing at me thinking about what would happen on the day after three years, on the same month and same day!

November 1, 2003! Saturday!

What to say about that day? Darkest day or Red letter day? Yes. Confused .Saturday I was shattered and

Sunday 12AM to 4.30 AM what was about to happen!!!!

Were they just hours or an answer of God for my Prayer? Was it just a vision or just an illusion?

Who was he in real who touched my life, then?

Was he my inner soul or guardian angel? Was he God’s game’s Doll or my best pal? Who was he in real?

I had no clue about him at that moment by any angle.

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