Part 80: Yes mad, but how pure!

I was totally dumbstruck. Speechless!

Hey! Why the things are looking unclear? Right from his face things are looking blurring whether one beautiful dream is breaking away?

Oh ..no.. I wanted to clutch it.

Oh god! I realized it was nothing but the brine, which came out my eyes when it started to roll down on my cheeks.

When my fingers touched the cheeks they became wet. I realized for the first time 'Tears' are salty or my tongue felt so.

Oh my god I was at sea .Couldn’t believe the hardest fact of my life. Tears are coming out of my eyes! For the first time in those 16 years!!! The biggest shock of my life I was crying for someone whom I didn’t even know he has done the impossible almost our night!

Excuse me. Really? Really I don’t know him? Then why I felt happy when I realized that he is still in front of me? Whether those tears came out just because of his saga of success, which bedewed my heart or was it the tear of joy when I found him still sitting under my nose I could not understand anything.

I was just looking at his face and the papers in my mind. I just gazed at him cap – a pie in that dusky light.

He is looking cool and matured by the experiences of life but yet like a bambino face was cackling at me even in that quietude. A powerful wave was cuffed on my mind’s boulder.

I remember those thoughts and pictures of various incidents, one after another, arose and vanished of themselves in my mind. I had no power to drive them away or to concentrate on one particular thought. I suddenly felt as if within my mind many screens were raised one after another by same providential power, and I found the answers in him for all those questions which so long had baffled my intellect and distracted my mind-questions such as “why thousands of people are damned to a degrading life of abuse and exploitation, in spite being will aware of the fact that its highly impossible to became a star if you are not star son or if you don’t have a godfather? Why these people work twenty-hour days no sleep no assurance that the movie will do well, that it will even be completed, no guarantees he or she will get another film ever? What is it that drives these people to give up friends and family well established careers and financial security, for a shot at stardom? Why is it that in spite of all the contempt and insults they are subjected to, they would still rather be in films than anywhere else? Why there are people out there who do what they do in the world of cinema?

I was absolutely nonplussed. I went on observing him closely. The vision was vivid. He is sitting there like a kid right in from of me. I could find the trace of innocence in his babyish face and in his department. My own words are cuffing in my mind like a bolt.

‘How would you come to know the agony of depression? What do you know about the feeling of pain? How would you came to know what is despair? How would you come to know the depth of wound when the people who you trusted hurt you? What do you know? What do you know about the struggle of producer who suffers a heavy loss when his films fail? What do you know about the pain of those extras who struggle to make it big in their life since years? What do you know about those dubbing artists or the people who are dumped within the dark rooms? How would you come to know about their pain? Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches not the people like you!’

My own words are striking like a whip in my mind. Looking at his face I thought that he was truly a man of dedication who had give up all to realize his dreams and practiced personally what he believed.

Oh God! What and all he didn’t face in this duration? Arena of aspersion, height of humiliation or mountain of mortification? Depth of depression or pedestal of pain?

What and all he didn’t see in his journey? Rainbow of raillery or variety of veracity? Or anticyclone of agony?

What and all he didn’t meet? Vanishing vent or tons of tart?

What and all he didn’t face so far in his living? Sailing of suffering or repository of railing? What and all he didn’t see before realizing his dreams? Depth of depressions or zenith of zounds? Descent of dreams or an ice burg of insults? Tangle of tensions or treasury of taunts? Unbounded uppishes or Troup of tauntalizers? Scathing sarcasms or satirizing sadists?

What and all he didn’t over come in his travel? Underworld of unmerciful or years of yell? What and all tried him to dodder? Death of despair or team of taunter? What and all tried to whelm him in the form of dread? World of wound or ambitions arid? What and all he didn’t receive before reaching an outrance? Remuneration of repugnance or unbearable utterance? What and all overrun at him in the form of opprobrium? Sea of sadism or agony of ageism?

But still never gave up. Holded on to The dream! The dream to make it! The dream to be someone! The dream to be THE one! Even at the stage of an ordeal he never allowed anyone to dout the light of his brame! Even the doom dissected his dream and distressed him at every possible stage but he neither diverted by his destination nor allowed the destiny to diverge. Didn’t feel downhearted when others disregarded him or did not distend when he finally dabbled in the decisive decennary.

The impression grew on me that his struggle was not mere poetry or imagination couched in fine figures of speech that he expressed like other celebrities, but that he spoke of something of which he had an immediate experience which had come to him by really sacrificing almost each and every comforts for the sake of becoming an actor.

I remembered a classic example of someone, who was in my thoughts.

I came to the sure conclusion; I could not forget the innocence o the kid in his face. Great man is he who doesn’t lose his child heart. I found that greatness in him! Speechless, I thought, “well, he may be mad about achieving as an actor in a whimsical place called showbiz, but he is indeed a rare soul alone in the southern peninsula who could practice such dedication.

Yes mad, but how pure! Completely out of the way! And what a dedication! He is truly worthy of respect reverence by human heart! Was it just his story? No. It’s a history, which can vibrate the resonance and fervour of crores of minds through his diligence. It was only a spiritual aspirant of him caliber that could put up with so much neglect and humiliation. Any one else would have left the field long age and never would think of achieving the goal again.

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