But again, I felt depressed after one month. I had been listening to stories from the day people realised that Sethu was a hit. I might have heard 150 stories in the first one month, but I couldn't find a single challenging script. I had decided that I wouldn't do a film unless the script was really good. Then, why did I wait so long?
At that time, there were many directors ready to make movies with me as hero. So the line of producers--the ultimate cliché of all--lined up outside my house as well. So many offers. So many tempting directors. I had the world at my feet. The best of roles and banners. This was my time and I wanted to use it.
But I became very, very depressed, more depressed than I was before the release of Sethu. Sethu was a once-in-a-lifetime experience and even after that, if I could not find a challenging script, what would I do? Sixty-five days had passed after the release of Sethu and I had not accepted any film.
People asked me, 'Are you mad? You waited for 10 years for producers to flock to you. And, when they come with offers, you are not accepting any film. Why don't you accept all?' But the problem was I couldn't.
I wanted satisfaction. If you love what you do, what more can you hope for? I love acting. I love acting on stage. I love acting in films. I want to act. I want to do good characters, challenging characters. Yes, nobody does any work for free. I too needed money, but I didn't want money to take precedence over artistic satisfaction. I didn't compromise all these years. So, why should I compromise now?
No, Never. I had two choices -- I either accept any movie or hope it runs. Or, wait a little more for a good script. I decided to wait and it has paid dividends finally. . It is not money that lured me into this profession, you know.
I always felt only action-oriented roles would make you a big star. Even in Malayalam cinema, look at Jayaram, so many of his movies are big hits, but he is not a superstar. He is just a star. Only Mammootty, Mohanlal and Suresh Gopi are superstars because they do action-oriented roles.
In Tamil films too, the situation is no different. The hero has to be a larger-than-life character.
Getting into movies itself was a major step and once you do that, you feel, ha! I have made it. But it is more difficult after you climb the first step.
I did Meera with a lot of expectations, but I did not become a sensation. But I knew Ullasam wouldn’t do well. I didn't like the soft character that I was portraying in the film. I don't like soft roles. But after Ullasam, I got a lot of female fans because they like soft characters!
And I signed such a role again.
I signed Vinnukum Mannukum. With a good banner (Supergood Films) and great costars and what seemed like a wonderful story.
Some people narrate a story in a particular way and picturize the same in a different manner. It so happens once in a while. One out of ten films is like that.
But Vinnukkum Mannukkum was different... it was the brainchild of a single person.
Vinnukkum Mannukkum was an apt film for the fans of B and C areas. It was a matter of abiding interest that a village youth had fallen in love with a film actress. Of course, we discussed a lot before starting the film.
As an artist, I am interested in many spheres. I was asked to sing the song, "Unakkena Unakkena" in "Vinnukkum Mannukkum" itself. Lack of time prevented me from doing so. I was invited to sing in Manoj's album, Pathinaru Vayadhinile also. But I didn't oblige as there was Manoj already in the project..
What happened actually turned out to be different from what I expected.
The film released. And crashed almost immediately.
It was unfortunate. But some how the teaming never really worked. It was the same Vikraman who directed 'Poove Unakkaga'. It was such a good subject that if I had worked in that film, it would have clicked too. I don't blame the directors, but it was just my bad luck that I worked in those films where the script wasn't very strong.
There were ridicules that, "After just one movie, he was over hyped. Now what happened?" I was longing to prove myself again.
Back to the grind. Back to the struggle.
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