If you keep a drop of tear below the microscope it has so many things to say, only if you have that inner eye to view it! Each drop of tear would say hundreds of stories but who has the time to listen?
I don’t know when I feel asleep but when got up it was 8am. Whatever the experience I had that early morning I didn’t share with anyone. At times it takes the worst to come first to be followed by the best. And it's hard to overcome the worst for the better. I was going through such a period I felt.Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult.
Somewhere I started to feel like there is challenge in front of me. May be a crazy thought you might feel.. And it was to clarify my doubts.. Till those moments I did not know the way but then I had certain thoughts on my mind.
To get some where u never been.. you have to do something you never done!!
But I cannot immediately start towards my goal. I had to make sure even after all those incidents that the path that I’m heading is the right one because each day is a new canvas to paint upon. I had to make sure that my picture is full of life and happiness, and at the end of the day I should not look at it and wish I had painted something different. So I decided to take the much needed break (emotionally) especially after that breakdown.
The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it!
‘Kenny! A word to say.. A word to hear.. Even in your absence, I feel you near. My feeling is strong. Hope it goes along. We’ll get connect and I will be waiting for that moment till heart goes on…I don’t know on which faith my heart stays, but keeping the promise on the pain, which is reflecting in my eyes, this friendship will be much more deeper than love. Don’t forget, if you get hurt the other one will feel the pain. If you smile, the other one feel happy.
Kennedy (Kenny) ! You are my inner soul’s kannady(mirror)!
The people who know the true value of feeling will understand the language of eyes. Even if we see someone in our dreams we feel like we met them. The sky too cries for pure love, affection and care but the people think it as just a rain.
I hope you are not one among them. Almost after 17 years I cried for someone and it was for you! Yes, you made me to shed tears through your struggle, through your pure child heart. You left an unforgettable touch through your genuine character in my heart.
I hate stars and celebrities but it was the simple yet great human being within you made me your fan. I used to call the fans, especially the blind followers as losers but today I’m proud to say I admire you. I admire the simple yet great human being in you. I don’t know when we meet but as I promised I’ll surely come to see you and meet you face to face. One day the other. Very soon! And I’ll not let you know that why I came. I will not tell you. Anyhow I know you may not even have a minute of time to listen to my words because you are a star, nah, today? But don’t forget. I am not coming to meet a star. I’ll come to meet the simple human being. I’ll come to meet my Kenny, the ordinary person, in an ordinary way and will see how extraordinary you’ll emerge in my view point, in our face to face meet. Let me see whether you can understand the language of eyes and tears or not. I don’t expect anything from you. My affection, love and care will be unconditional. I’ll spend my time to understand you but until we meet each other I am gonna judge you as I normally do with others. But when we are going to meet each other only the time can tell.
Time!!
‘Time’- the costliest thing, which could never be purchased by anyone or never going to come back. So, when someone spends it for you, it just shows the depth of care that they show on you!
In my life it is much more special- the time! I want to clutch it but it’s running out of my hand.
In our life most of the time we don’t give importance to time. The people who give importance or know the true value of time are in three categories. First one the people who want to achieve or reach something in their life. Second one, the people who have got special call from someone special. The third one is the combination of first two. I was in one among these three categories. Exactly which one? Leaving it to your imagination.
It’s 6.15 a.m.
I returned home and just closed the door.
Though I had closed the door of my room, I knew, the door of memories would never close!
How much I missed my special friend no one knows. Each minute were passing like year; and I was remembering the memories of my special friend in silent tears!
It’s really difficult to say or explain to anyone how blissfully I spent my most memorable hours with him. It is simply astonishing to think how, through play, merriment and other activities; he gave me the most exalted confidence and molded my life without my knowledge. Meanwhile wherever he got chance he did not forget to pull my legs. He played such pranks on me, the devil.
I wish if I could rewind my life’s line in tape and go backwards in time when I spend with him.
‘Oh lord, one piece of iron is in the image in the temple, and another knife in the hand of the butcher; but when they touch the philosopher’s stone both like turn into gold.
I understood my lord. I am not so stupid to not to realize the fact. Really you have blessed me beyond my imagination and expectation. I am content! I know it was none other you my Kannayya( dearest name for lord Krishna)who came in the form of Kenny to save my life and to bring the turning point. I understood what you wanted to inform. I understood my lord but I was a stupid who was wandering for ghee, keeping butter in my hand. Yes, I was blind. Totally blind who could not realise the truth. I was a fool who did not even offer food for you. You had to ask!! Oh lord, please don’t look upon my mistake if I worship you for the fear of hell, burn me in hell, and if I worship you in hope of paradise, exclude me from paradise, but if I worship you for my pals prosperity, please grudge me not by reaching their vicinity’ I just prayed with my lord.
I stood before him and held him by his hand in a very emotional mood and passed into an ecstasy.
‘Oh friend! Today I’ve given you my all and have become a penniless beggar in front of your great character. But still while loading at my empty palm, my eyes are ready to shed tears out of joy and I am becoming highly emotional for the first time in my life. Do you know why? So far I had everything but still lost everything. But today I’ve nothing. I am nothing but still I have got everything. I have a reason for me to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new and that reason is you”
Suddenly I don’t know where it was, but such a painful spasm within my heart for few seconds, appeared. Such a pain like someone was taking out the whole strength out of my body. Very difficult to control. It took few seconds for me to come back to my normal position.
Okay! Now I am okay. Recovered. Ufff!
Sorry, friend! I forgot you out of joy. Don’t remind me that I forgot you. Okay?
A tear appeared and the pain reflected in my eyes.Why? Shhhhhhhh!
‘Was it proper that you should come so late? Should you not have even once thought how I was waiting for you? Hearing continuously the idle talk of selfish people, my ears were about to be scorched. Without having anyone to whom I can communicate my inner most feelings I was about to burst.
Please come back, Kenny! I am alone. Please come!! Where should I give a call? My tired eyes are still searching for you. Do you know since how long I was waiting for you? Why did you go away from my eyes? It looks like whole world is far away from me. I have become a wounded bird that cannot fly how I can reach unto you? Please come back.. I am alone.. All alone.. Please come back!’
And so I went on whimpering but no use. I understood.
A million words won’t bring him back, I know because I have tried, neither would a millions tears, I know because I have cried!
People come into our lives and walk with us a mile, and then because of circumstance they stay a while. They serve a need within the moments that move so quickly by, and then are gone beyond our reach, we often wonder why. God only knows the reason that we meet and share a smile, why people come into our lives and walk with us a smile.
Now I could identify him as the person as I have seen in my vision. His words confirmed what I had thought and seen and known about a person in my visions. I knew it’s not possible to explain him my years of waiting for him.
But that was the day when I met a special person who entered my life in the oddest of ways!
The impact he had was immense inspirations of happiness and promise filled my days!
When he was with me, at that moment all the world seemed right!
His positive influence brightened my life, the thoughts of him turned darkness to light!
I met a special person who seemed like long lost friend!
A spirit bounded to me in my dreams, left the togetherness I never want to end!
It was the day when dreams and expectations started to overflow!
The future brought promise and hope, making me smile inside and out for the entire world to know!
Till today I don’t know whether this incident is something my mind’s whim made up or it actually happened but I cannot seem to shake this picture of this happening out of my mind.
But it was the day when I met him!
A marvel at what god has done; his creation is an angel in human form!
The next thing I knew or remembered was that I was on the soil. Thinking and worrying about him I didn’t even notice the tiny rock that was in my way. It took just few seconds for me to come back to my normal position and my eyes once again turned towards him.
‘Oh my!! Where is he? So soon where did he go? Might be hiding somewhere behind any rock.’ I looked all around. No he wasn’t there.
‘Oh, Kenny! Please tell me .Where are you?’
Nobody was there to answer.
‘I may be far from you but will be always there with you!’ His words were echoing in my ears. It was almost half an hour search; I did not leave a single place. I searched almost each and every possible way and possible place. I could not find him anywhere.
‘Oh my god where is he? Just till few minutes back he was here and now? What I am seeing or what I have experienced? Was it just an illusion? Or whim of my mind? No never. How it could be? Still that babyish face, that smile, that touch and those words were fresh in my mind. I was absolutely nonplussed and thought; was I completely insane? Why should I other wise spoke in that strain to him, who was really stranger to me.’
Excuse me. Was he really a stranger? In those four hours , which I spent with him, I laughed like I never cried, loved like never hurt and lived like there is no tomorrow. Those were the moments when I entirely forgot myself when I was with him. I never allowed anyone to enter my heart as a pal but he, not only entered but also left his foot print!
Footprint!!!!
I ran near the place where we spent all those moments just sat down and observed….Vision was not so vivid that I could clearly see his foot prints!! That means he had come to visit me?To save my life!!! To change my decision!!!
‘Just in one view you became a guest of mine! Just by saying few words you became a world of mine! In fact being with me since many days these people could never became a friend of mine. But being far away from me how you became a heart beat of mine?’
I was looking for the answers in him.
I just closed my eyes for few seconds.
To view the scenes within the remembrance, we don’t need eyes. To hear the words within our memory we don’t need ears.
There was a lengthy silence and I heard the voice clearly ‘Being near is not the meaning of being close. I may be far from you but will always be there with you!’
Yes. I could feel. Very promptly my heart thuds.
God’s blessing may come as a surprise and how much we receive depends on how much we believe. May we be blessed beyond what we expect?
Yeah. I could feel it.
His words assured me that my original vision about him was true. It was only after a struggle between my intellectual pride on the one hand, and in the other the personality of him, which was a centre of an inspiration without an ego, and of love without a touch of selfishness. I forgot all other things, completely merged in that thought alone.
The words, which were vanished from my mind since many years finally flashed in my heart.
‘I was exactly in search of you!’
I felt assured that who he actually was, and began to evince towards him with an intense affection and out of abounding love for him, the like of which I never showed or felt towards anyone else in the world so far, I opened my eyes.
Oh my! He was moving back with open arms and smiling. Looks like that it was his message. I just tried to move but could not. I felt like my legs were frozen. He was still moving back.
‘Hey, Kenny! Wait! Listen to me. Where you are going? Wait’, I shrieked almost but looked like he had to go. I don’t know when my legs moved, I rushed towards him.
Hey! Looks like he is playing ‘Catch me if you can’ game.
‘Hey, Kenny! Don’t hurry. Be careful!’, I was worried about him as there so many rocks. Yeah .I was worried about him. He should not get hurt!
I just knew I would catch him somehow but I was worried that he should not get hurt in that game. I just knew I would reach unto him. I just knew I would.
After few seconds silence he said, ‘Promise me, Hari! Hereafter you will never cry…promise me that you will be happy.’
‘Why?’, I just looked at face blankly.
‘Life itself is reason to smile, to be happy. Try to keep happy others. You will be happy. Try to bring happiness in other life, da .You can find happiness in yours life. Try to cheer up others. You will cheer up. When you see others being happy because of you then you will be happy. Don’t expect anything from others, it hurts you a lot but expect more from yourself, it inspires you a lot.This is true.
Don’t you think this night is beautiful? This moonlight, this nature, the sky, everything. If you think so then you will come to know that the people are really crazy who are spending this wonderful experience .in their waste sleep instead of enjoying it. Yes, enjoy, Hari! Enjoy everything. Whatever it that comes in your way. Victory or defeat. Gain or loss. Happiness or sorrow. Just enjoy! Enjoy it! Enjoy your each moments! Try to pour water to every plant, which you find in your way. Because you never know you may never get that chance again, because in this world we are here for a while. So smile. Be thankful to god for giving this opportunity.’
After a pause he continued, ‘Understand, Hari!This life is not going to be according to our likes and dislikes. We cannot put an end to life’s challenges. The rise and the ebb of sea waves are not determined by the wishes of those affected by light and darkness. We cannot put an end or say for certain that we will not lose our job, home, wealth or a loved one. We cannot prevent a hurricane, volcano, earth quake, tidal wave or tornado from bringing destruction. We cannot prevent the inevitable end to our physical life. But we can face these challenges without being incapacitated by a sense of despair.
Wisdom is choosing to swim or surf when the waves are not favouarable. The waves are not cruel or unkind to the surfer or swimmer. In fact, the higher the waves, the greater is the surfer’s joy, but more perilous to a swimmer. In the face of difficulties we develop survival skills that would otherwise like dormant, much as the sweat and fatigue of weight training lead to developing tough muscles. In fact, life would be terribly dull if everything went according to pre-written script.
Even if everything goes wrong and everyone misunderstands us, still one person cares for us, understands us and stays unflinching. Child sees the love of the mother, not only in her pat but also in her slap. Don’t view problems negatively. Look upon them as grounds in vital skills, and enjoy them even as you learn from them when you face a problem, turn your attention to solutions. Be the source of a solution to the problem rather than become its victim.
‘Can you remember those three candles, which we kindled at home?’
‘Yeah but now its got diminished. I saw while coming back’, I replied.
‘Yep, I know.. But do you those three candles were ambitious like us. First one said, ‘I’m peace . No one needs me.’ So it got diminished. Second one said, ‘I’m faith, Nobody believes in me’ and diminished. Third one said, ‘I’m love. Nobody cares for me’ and diminished. Now you tell me Hari! Can you kindle those candles again? Can we?’
‘How can we kindle when they are already diminished?’
‘Still we can’, he looked steadfastly at me. I looked at him questioning, ‘How?’
‘Yep. Don’t forget the fire within you that lasts forever! The fire of hope! Hope sees the invisible. Hope thinks unimaginable. Hope conquers the intangible. So, hope is eternal. Even if you lose everything future still remains! That’s hope! Never lose hope!’
I was just looking at him. Earlier I felt that there might be some mistake in my identification but not now.
Still no response. I had to call him for the third time.
Thank God. Now he turned back and saw me. As soon as he saw he came down.
'What’s this? I had to call you thrice. You were lost'.
'Sorry!...Yeah, I was. I forget everything when I see nature. Same thing with the animals.
I gaze them for hours'.
'Hey, you always steal my words. Anyway I’ve brought something. Have it first then you can enjoy the nature. Okay?'
I gave him the plate in my hand and said, 'Promise you will come again to see me soon, alone'.
Unable to evade that earnest request, I had to say I shall and then suddenly a question raised in my mind. What did he mean? Was he leaving? Oh no.. Oh God. I couldn’t imagine the thought and the fear of losing him.
I just could not control myself. Did not want to lose that friendly heart, golden heart by which he did not touch only my heart but my soul. I just broke down
Like damn explodes! Like ice burg melts in front of sun rays! Could not control myself. Lost myself completely. Did not even have second thought.
Just hugged him! Wept full of heart with some one, on someone’s shoulder for the first time in my life when I was matured.
'Oh philosophers.. Oh critics. Forgive me. Please forgive me.. . At least forgive me for today. I cannot keep up my words that I will not cry with some one. That too with a star when I hate them a lot. But I want to get console. I want to cry. I want to lighten my heart. I want to forget everything. Even myself. Please forgive me'.
I don’t know how long it was. I just closed my eyes and lost myself. Tears were coming out of my eyes and rolling down on my cheeks.
After few minutes when he felt like I am consoled he just took my face in his both hands and wiped my tears. I was clearly able to see my tears, shining on his thumb in that moonlight. It was shining like a crystal.
I realized a fact.
'Until the sunrays fall we will never come to know that there are seven colours in a drop of water. Until we get connected to good people we will never come to know that how we are living!'
He just looked at my face and then into my eyes and firmly said, ‘Yeah, Hari. I know what you are thinking. You want the answer. Isn’t it? My answer is.. Future is in your hand!’
The biggest shock I ever faced in my life. He is just unfolded my palm and released the butterfly. It flew away, looking at the flying butterfly he continued, "Yeah, Hari. In the touch of life, in the smile of living even sorrow becomes a weal by teaching its own lesson. In the rolling of time’s wheel the part that was below should rise to the top! After the darkness of night sun should rise with a new hope called morning. Don’t forget the fact that the beautiful garden forms because of impure manure. Same way our life. All those bitter experiences build the beautiful future. Rise as the phoenix!'
My mind was completely wavy because those last lines with again the same feelings of my poem. How does he know? I found him speaking to me lovingly, cracking jokes. Sharing his thoughts, as if he were a long standing friend of mine. Habituated though I was to accept a proposition or a person only after through investigation, reasoning and argumentation, my intellectual ego however got blunted that day before this strange person. For how could I sustain the original conclusion that he had made when I thus found him later to be center of inspiration and of unselfish love, the like of which I had never come across before?
In what vivid moonlight I just locked at him up to the eyes but he was busy in viewing the beauty of the nature silently. His taciturnity was once again raising the doubt. How there could be so much similarities between him and Priyatam. I got a get feeling that both of them are the birds of the some feather. One was in my imagination another was height in front of eyes vision or my imagination was incarnated in the form of an individual? Was he? I don’t know why at the eleventh hour that thought came to my mind.
Down and night are two but day is one! Eyes may be two but the view is one ...legs may be two but journey is one. Two names but the character is one. Was I right? I didn’t know but I couldn’t distinguish between them. That means even my Shanti is exist in real life! Oh my! That thought raised so many expectations within me. I was in an ecstasy.
Suddenly he broke the ice with these unexpected words, ‘Hari, can you get some food for me? I’m feeling hungry.’
O Boy! I could never forget his childlike face with that earnest request. I completely lost myself.
Oh.No. So far without giving food to someone I never had my breakfast even if a stranger comes we treat him as one among our family member. In such a case, I never asked or offered any food for such a special guest in our long converse. What was wrong with me?
‘Oh. I’m extremely sorry, come lets go back to home.'
'No, I want to enjoy the nature, you just go and come back Okay? Come soon I will be waiting for you Okay?'
‘Yeah, Sure! Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be back in a minute.’
‘Okay. Make it fast .I have to move then.’ He insisted. But I had already left the place when he told so. Still sometimes, I wonder why I left him all alone. After all it was he who walked in my life when rest of the world walked out! Then why I left him all alone? When I left I saw him sitting on the rock.
I returned very quickly with some fruit juice in a glass and some sweets with snacks. He was still sitting there still.
Suddenly he tried to divert my mind by showing the sea, which was boisterous in front of us.
‘Hey! Did you see those waves? What did you learn by them? Can you tell me, Hari?’
I just blankly looked at his face. The doubt is rising in my mind. ‘Shall I say? Even if the nature pulls them back those waves show the warmth of coming ahead!Can’t you rise that ambition within yourself?’, Question was straight to my face.
‘Oh my God!” I was in a state of either perplexity. Those words.Oh my!! How he can say those lines?
But without giving much attention to my reaction he continued pointing the rock .Did you see that rock?In spite being a target for all those waves’ powerful strokes, downpour and the sunrays the rock is still persisting, so strong! Unmovable, in fact being weather beater!Then why you should move by the difficulties of your life? Can’t you stand rock solid?’
The second blow for me, I was wonder-struck. It’s highly impossible. How? How he can utter those lines?
But he continued again. “Have you seen this beautiful and boisterous sea? It never gets dry. Same way don’t ever let your dreams to get dry.If you start to weep due to the sun set can you get the chance to view the stars?’
‘Oh my God!’. I was awestruck. ‘How he knows those lines?’
Then he caught hold of my hand and said, ‘You have to change!Be calm like the river that flows between the banks of victory and defeat without being affected take a determination not a decision. Decision gets change but not determination!’
Oh, No... I tried to stop his words as my doubt was getting stronger but he pointed out a spider in that moonlight which fell down just seconds before. My attention moved towards that. Few seconds later he uttered those lines very convincingly.
‘Hey! Did you see that?Even if the spider reaches the downfall due to the draught it doesn’t bite anyone doesn’t hurt anyone doesn’t show anger on anyone. Doesn’t ask for help with anyone but still silently, patiencefully, lonely it builds its dream web on the base of belief through emitting the thread of patience. If we have the heart to learn even a spider teaches a big lesson for us!”
I was absolutely awestruck could not digest the biggest shock of my life.
Those lines by him how. How? How does he know?.
He wanted to say something but I had to stop him as I was not in a position to digest the shock.
‘Hey, wait how do you know these lines? It’s highly impossible; No one else can say those expect one person.
Then how do you know those lines exactly?’
‘Which lines?’, He asked innocently.
‘The lines, right from the waves to the spider how do you know those exact lines? Those were the lines, which I used in my poetry long back for which I’ve got prize at district level. Those were the lines which I used in my poem ‘Tamosoma Jyothirgamaya”. How do you know those lines? Only one person can know those lines and it's Priyatam. Because he shows that attitude in his life, all those qualities’.
‘How he looks like?’, He is asking like a kid.
‘I don’t think I should tell all those to you but reminding there cannot be any Priyatam in real life. He is one among crores! He is just in my imagination not in real life. His entire character itself like an illusion.’
‘As I said reality is merely an illusion!’
‘Tell me hope do you know those lines. How do you know?’
‘Mmmm. I think your Priyatam is my neighbour and has a big hole in his mouth.’
‘Stop it. Don’t talk anything ill about him. He is the perfect person.’
‘No, Hari, There cannot be a perfect person in this word as many people have many opinions about everything.’
‘That means you are also not perfect. I thought you were perfect in all your deeds I think you are!’
‘I’m still thinking what I’ve to do to reach to the level of perfection.’
Oh my god. I was about to faint then. How he could say so?
‘Hey! How do you know or can say so? That was the reply, which my Priyatam gives when Shanti says him as the perfect person she ever met.’
‘Now who is this Shanti?’, His question.
‘That’s not your business. I was just clarifying with you. But how do you know his words?’
‘I told, nah, he is my neighbour.’ He started to laugh now.
‘Don’t laugh and wait for a while I’ve a test for you so that I can decide something.’
I just locked at the time. It’s 4.30AM.
I found a small butterfly over there. I slowly caught the butterfly within my palm and came back to him. He was curiously looking at what I was doing. I just showed my folded palms to him.
‘Any gift for me?’, He asked curiously.
‘No. It’s a test for you! You have to answer my question so that I can decide something.’
‘What’s that?’
‘Will tell you, I know you must be very good at reading my mind. But this time you cannot because no one can answer my question. I want to prove you as an illusion. Now tell me whether the butterfly that is within my palm is alive or dead. I want the answer.”
I had decided something in my mind. If he answers that it’s alive then I was about to kill it and if he says it is dead I wanted to show it alive. He would not be able to give the answer at all. He would not be able my mind this time.
I was just looking at his face. I knew I was going to be the winner.
I'm learning to love the people who are willing to love me at present. And trying to forget the people in the past and thank them for hurting me, which led me to love the people I have today!
