Part 44: A silver line in the black cloud!

That day there was deep desire in me to get the story of Vikram’s success somehow. I don’t pretend to be intellectual. I don’t even need to be. If you go by my to myself attitude, you’ll come to know that I’ have always been low profile, personally speaking. I’ve always been a quiet sort of person. I cannot open up easily .I’m still not that effervescent. I’m a reticent kind of person. I cannot be sit around and socialise with people I don’t like. I do my work and go. I cannot be a fake and act over-familiar with strangers of course, I do lot of fun and masti but that’s only after I open up with person. That’s me!

Earlier too quiet character I was. All of, reticent, distant. With that glass wall around me. ‘See but don’t touch.’

I close up if someone tries to get familiar. I am not one of those persons who take easily to their backs getting slapped. I have this wall around me; it’s not deliberate, but its there. Actually I like it. I can let only those in who I like; other trespassers will simply be electrocuted. Haha.

I am the last person to listen to anybody. I do what I feel is right. I have a mind of my own. Nobody can influence me to do things that I wouldn’t want to do. I have endured a lot in these few years and have done a lot of things for the sake of experience. As I said I believe in experiencing the life instead of enjoying.

I used to be nice and people used to say, God, how, can he be so nice? And I have suffered a lot because of that, and people have taken advantage of me. I’ve studied people very closely. I have learnt the difference between people who are really my friends and the ones who just put up a presence of being my well wisher.

I feel life is a learning process. Living and learning from our mistakes is imperative. For no one I know has mastered the art of life, or, even more so, human nature. The only problem is there is nothing as expensive as regret!

That night I was doing just toss and torn. I could not sleep. Normally I don’t fail in recognizing people’s real nature but that day I don’t know why deep in my heart I was rankling. Categorically my heart I was saying that somewhere I’ve made a mistake. But where?

‘Did not I recognize someone who is very close to me? He is under my nose but still invisible. Sounds like ‘Hey! I’m here!” but when I turn nobody would be there.’, The feeling was condensing.

Someone strikes match and there’s fire, which may show me the way to reach up to my friends but It does not take too long the flame to slimmer down the ash. The feeling would seem like that flame: Burning brightly, glowing, and emitting light all around and then dying down like a match.

I knew on which side my bread was buttered. I had to stop all my efforts of searching for those special friends that almost ended in smoke but there was a hope, a silver line in the black cloud, a ray of hope. Was it a drop of tear that I wanted to see below the microscope?

***********