Part 96: So many questions! Imagination never dies!

Let me go back to very nice lines of article about Arvind.

But when he talks about Kajol a smile escapes his lips.” On the sets of ‘Sapnay’, some one had to coax me to talk and someone had to coax Kajol to stop talking talking,” he laughs. “God! She’s live wire- on and of screen.”

These lines always put me into the imagination till today because Kajol is Kenny’s favourite actress in Hindi. Just a thought. If the movie would have made after the release of ‘Sethu’, instead of Prabhu if Kenny played that role? What Kenny would have felt while dubbing for Prabhudeva in the dark room? Seriously I may ask this question to Kenny if he has the time to answer. I know the fact both Kenny and Kajol are livewire on and off screen. If they had acted together how it would have been? Whether Kenny would have been able to fill the innocence that was required in “Vennilave” song? Whether I would be able to accept the climax? Whether the movie “Sapnay” would have been a real dream? Whether Kenny would have accepted the role? How would have been the song “Hoo la la” then?

Let me keep this topic aside. Let me go back to 1989. Kenny was the chosen hero for the movie “Nila penne”, which he could not do just because he got the offer when he was doing the first day shooting of his debut movie “En Kadal Kanmani”. He just couldn’t accept “Nila Penne” with Divya Bharathi as the leading heroine as he didn’t change his commitment like other heroes. He could have accepted the role but then the producers would have been in trouble. Kenny thought about the problems of the producer’s right from his debut. As a result he had put his future in big trouble.

Kenny’s loss was Arvind’s gain. Though ‘Nila penne’ in which Kenny was suppose to act didn’t exactly set the box office on fire but Arvind was noticed and he even got the break to work with Mani Rathnam’s ‘Dalapathi’ and ‘Roja’! Here Kenny’s movie didn’t get complete till the next two years. If Kenny had accepted ‘Nila penne’ then what would have happened?

Once again Kenny was supposed to be the hero of ‘Bombay’. Arvind got selected at the very last moment. What was the trauma and pain Kenny had gone through during that time; it’s only him who knows. We can just feel it and feel sad but it was Kenny who has suffered it all alone. If he would have acted in ‘Bombay’ then? How he would have performed for the songs ‘Uyire’ and ‘Kuchi Kuchi”?

Along with one question thousand questions will arise but no one can give the exact answer. We can just keep them in our imagination. As Kenny’s opinion if he had got the success long back now he would have been vanished. Really? May be because of the possibilities of wrong choices with the success. In his viewpoint he is absolutely right. But our imagination never dies. Isn’t it?

And in the showbiz dreaming never dies. The impression that our industry projects is that of glamour, money, beauty and the parties and the scandals that go along with the territory. Now, that’s a completely distorted image of the industry. Behind the glitzy façade, there are years and years of struggle.

By the way while mentioning about Graphology and Psychology I left one more important thing. Yes it’s telepathy. I don’t know why right from the day I started to read Kenny’s interviews, I was wondering because I always felt that he is stealing my feelings. It was something like he was putting my feelings into words. There was no chasm at all. Each and almost all feelings were same. Or I felt so? But how is it possible? How there can be so many similarities between him and me in our thoughts? How? Whether surely was he the person for whom I was in search of? My sixth sense gave me the green signal. Then he would show my other my friend! I knew it was not Mala or Bina. It was someone else. A lady who’s name will start with the letter ‘S’. Who is that? Where is she from? What she does? Only questions. No answers.

“If someone could answer my question it’s only him. Kenny! How I can reach unto him? Reaching may not a big problem but how can I ask all these things with him? Whether he has the time to listen to my words who is absolute stranger for him? What he may think? Whether he may show my other friend? Whether she will accept me in her life as a friend?”

So many questions. I was totally confused.

I had to confirm that whether he was the person who was supposed to enter in my life or not. But without meeting, investigating, discussing and understanding him it was not possible.

So on that day I took the firm determination to know and understand about the nature of this mysterious person in a much better way. But that day I didn’t know the fact that within the next five days I might get a chance to chat with this ‘Prince’ Chiyaan!

Not only the lack of chasm between Kenny and I later lead to the major confusion but also because of this I found my one more special friend who made me spell bound in a very different way through her action!

But that day (Decemeber 13^th) I never thought the next year on the same date I might speak to my special friends together after the shooting of ‘Anniyan’!

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Part 95: The most valuable tears in the world!

Now let me translate the words of Kenny.

Beginning with Sridhar sir, I have worked till Hari. It feels like I know everything about cinemas, but at the next instant, I feel I know nothing about cinemas. Half our lives will be spent in getting to know whom to believe and whom not to. My greatest weakness is that I believe everyone.

The question that everyone asks me nowadays is “ What is your next film like?” I would like to remain the same as before. Vikram should have both his feet firmly on the ground. It is enough that Vikram’s films are shown in theatres. I need to work only towards this aim. I would like to do many varieties of films. While I would like to do a commercial film, I would also like to do a different film like ‘Sethu’. You may ask what would I do if both these offers come at the same time? If I were to choose any one from these two, my vote would definitely be for a different film like ‘Sethu’. Otherwise O Podu. Even films like ‘Gemini’ would me a place in the hearts of children, wouldn’t it? Films like these have given me many child fans.

Sometimes I feel like doing a movie following Satyajit Ray. But if one film fails, it becomes a question of survival to many families associated with it. So much money and labor of so many people is behind the Tamil movie industry. That is why we cannot afford to be too realistic. As an actor, I yearn for this.

Meanwhile these mass movies are a challenge to me. I like this challenge.

If you notice carefully, the core audience that watches movies has changed. People have started to take great interest in cinemas. To bring them to the theatres, stars are needed. Once they are in, nobody is important. The story and the film are important. The character is important. It has been proved that such movies only can win today. People expect something different. The audience must return home with a good feeling after watching the movie. If you succeed in giving this feeling, it is enough. The Films is a success.

People have started coming to theatres after a long gap. Even theatres like Mayajal, which is in the suburbs is full today. I heard that many people who saw Pithamagan in VCD (are you among the good Samaritans who didn’t watch it on pirated CD) went back to theatres to see it on the big screen. I feel my responsibilities have increased after this. I feel that I should continuously try to give such good films. I prepare myself for each movie thinking that if this doesn’t do well, my career is over.

Tamil film arena is a tricky one. In Andhra you cater to ‘B’ and ‘C’ audiences. In Kerala, it is ‘A’ category of audience. It is not so in TamilNadu. Here, all three categories of audiences are present. A film can succeed only if it manages to reach out all these categories. We have to work very hard to achieve this.

I chose acting profession from the very beginning and came to cinemas. My father used to say that success could be obtained only if we struggle and keep on working. I believe that my success today is because of these.

When there was no shooting, I would practice acting with my friends at home. I don’t know if it has any bearing or not. I always thought that Acting was my duty. Hitchcock has written that an actor’s skills grow if he reads many novels. After reading this, I started reading novels whenever I could find time. Even now, when I am not working, I keep myself amidst all cinema related facts and things. When I choose to portray a character, I don’t perform as is normally seen or heard of.

If you see Pithamagan, I had no dialogues at all. Only sounds. But, I developed different sounds of different animals that would best suit the scene. I don’t know ho many people noticed this. But those who can identify the difference in animal sounds would have noticed.

I try to portray in a new different manner. I learnt this lesson from Picasso. He said, “ I don’t draw what I see; I draw what I feel”. This is the base with which I try to improve the portrayal of my character. As far as other essentials for acting, like, dance and fight, are concerned, I am a bit weak in them. I am not a good dancer or a fighter. I act as if I am one. Sreeman used to say that while they work hard and get the movements by shaking the limbs, I do the same with your face and get the result. This is my gift.

I have a burning desire to act in many new and different roles. But now, I feel that I cannot do a ‘soft love’ character anymore. Today people need characters like Aruchhamy, not an Aiyyo pavam chamy. No matter how hard we try not to molded into an image, we end up, at least in small way, having an image. What to do?

Many people may have different opinions on my acting. Derrence – a roman theatre artiste once said “Many men, many opinion”. I believe in this.

I want to do a musical comedy like Oscar Bright’s Flying down to Rio’.

Oscar Bright was an American actor who was a versatile actor, singer and dancer. When asked what was the boundary of his talents, he said quite clearly that, “I have no desire to prove anything by acting; I just act.” This is Vikram. Vikram will keep on acting.

I must act as long as I breathe. That’s it!”

I was completely dumbstruck. I don’t know how many times I read those lines. Totally speechless. Was he answering to the questions, which I raised with my Kannada lecturer long back? Or he himself was the answer?

Normally if I see the content I can imagine how the art would be. Here too if I read the entire art it is just because of the first paragraph and the first lines of Kenny where he wrote

Can you tell me which are the most valuable tears in the world? Is it the tears of the mother who has found her long lost child? No. Is it the tear of thanks that wells up in the eyes of the person who is given a helping hand at the time of his need? No. Or is it the tear of happiness that appears when love finds its destiny? If you were to ask me these questions, do you know what my answer would be? The most valuable tears are those shed by an artiste who is given recognition by his adoring fans.

Art is the one field where both the takers and givers are not bound by any conditions. Unconditional passion and search can only be classified as Art. At this moment my heart and soul is filled with content as I have been recognized as an artiste.”

My question to Shiv Sir was still in my mind. Kenny’s feel and face was still in front of eyes. I couldn’t find any colourable touch on his face or in his words. One more thing was I was in a position to clearly identify one person’s nature just by seeing their chirography, their statements and by their face. Credit of course goes to my six years working experience in MNC, Media and my interest in Graphology, Human psychology and Philosophy. That’s why I was sure about the words of Kenny.

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Part 94: Goldfish in a bowl existence?

December 13, 2003.

Two issues of two different magazines were on my table. One was July 2000 issue of Filmfare magazine. Another one was December 2003 issue of India Today Tamil version.

Two different articles of two different actors. In fact we can say or rate them as the two most handsome actors of Tamil cine industry. I don’t know whether they met each other in real life or not. But their connection to each other starts long back, right from 1989. In fact among them first actor’s movie I watched in 1994, second actor’s movie in 2003. Almost ten years’ difference. In these ten years so many things have changed, which were truly amazing. I hope you guessed their names right. Yes, they are none other than Arvind Swamy and Chiyaan Vikram!

Just before moving towards to their statements let me recollect the words, which I had told to my Kannada lecturer Shiv Sir.

“I don’t find anyone in the industry who may come unto my expectation. These actors are only greedy about money. They are not here to perform. They just want money and fame not the dedication. They are not even modest or don’t know how to respect others. If those actors have achieved such success that is because of public and they treat the same public and far as outsiders.

Sir! Can you just show me one person, one single person who can say “My heart beats only because of the celluloid or who yearn to be realistic or someone who thinks about everyone related to the film and treats them equally or at least who can say “I must act as long I breathe” Is there anyone? Just show me. That moment I may leave everything to work with him, keeping every comforts (aside) of ,my life aside. Is there anyone? I know there is not hoping for someone itself is hopeless because these stars are just here to gain stardom. Nothing else.”

Now I am coming to the two articles. Just few important lines.

“I’m a part time actor,” says Arvind Swamy who had achieved overnight fame with Roja and Bombay. “Stardom made me very uncomfortable,” confesses the actor “I still haven’t got used to the glare of publicity.”

Right now Arvind is busy putting together a new software company and is also negotiating on a cushy human resources deal involving crores of rupees with US based company “However it’s something that I’m more passionate about than the movies.” he smiles.

I am mentioning the lines, which Kenny wrote in Tamil. Here is the translation.

Me… till date (Title of the article)

One of the leading artistes who have given us continuous flow of hit films, Vikram writes about his films, acting experiences, roles he would like to portray.

Cinema is everything to me. But I am unable to express the intensity or the love that I have for cinemas. Such is the intensity of my love. My heart beats only because of the Celluloid.

I was totally surprised by the last line. The one and only one actor who uttered that line so far in my experience. Again coming back to the lines by the article related to Arvind.

In a recent interview, the actor mentioned that he found stardom to be an encroachment on his privacy. “I never could use to the limelight. Every time I’d walk into a room,500 pairs of eyes would be boring into me. I’d cringe. I’m also ill at ease doing that ‘I-me- myself’ routine with the media. And it certainly takes all the king’s men and the king’s horses to get me to do photo sessions.” Arvind loves his daily nine to five routine in the office, which he heads.

Now the translation of Kenny’s words.

Ten years before, I would become emotional, even if somebody called out, “ Hey! That is Vikram!!” behind my back, recognizing my face in the crowd. But today, I have to hide whenever I go out. Fred Allen’s words are coming true in my life. I am in every Tamil Film Fan’s heart. What a great opportunity god has given me! I am content.

Frankly I didn’t have any words when I read these lines. I didn’t know what to say. Going back to art about Arvind Swamy.

“I wish I’d managed to get comfortable with the medium. No. I have nothing against the movie folk. But when you aren’t involved in films on a day-to-day basis, then making conversation with those who are becomes increasingly difficult. They won’t discuss computers and I know nothing of the current trends in films,” he shrugs. The uncertainty and the chaotic working gets me. My interest in a project dwindles of it’s not completed within a certain time frame. The fluctuations of the film trade bug me. Other businesses are far more steadier. I’m quite happy being a businessman. Not everyone needs to have goldfish in a bowl existence.”

Yep. Arvind had made his choice. I respect it.

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Part 93: Dont Judge Me If You Dont Know Me

Nearly after a week my article on the Pithamagan movie was published on a daily and created lot of buzz. I had mentioned a line saying that this movie will fetch national award for Vikram.

My brother raised a question with me that even without having seen a clip or a trailer of the movie how I could can expect it... I replied saying I just followed what my heart said.

Surprisingly I had to travel to Coimbatore a week before the release of Pithamagan. And as I expected the expectations from the movie were sky rocketed. I couldn’t stay there till the movie release. Had to return.

And finally I got a chance to watch the movie in Mangalore. When I was watching I just started to feel what is going on.. The sole purpose of Bala to make Pitamagan seemed to give Vikram a new image. I felt like movie is not up to the level of my expectation. My brother was pulling my leg. Movie was moving and the scene passed where Surya’s role gets murdered. And even the next scene where Chittan’s first reaction after seeing his friend’s dead body also a step below from my actual expectation.. It is just because I was looking for that award winning moment in the movie.. And finally when I watched the scene where he gets afraid after looking at Skull of his friend it was completely beyond my expectation and imagination..

No doubt! Clearly a masterpiece and a cut above the rest among all artiste's performance. He did not utter a dialogue in the film but made each and everyone to talk about his performance worldwide. Bankably the actor willing to experiment in this new role has emerged triumphant. He is first class as Chittan, a role in which any other actor would have looked like a caricature. Without any dialogue to support him he carves a niche for himself in the viewer's mind with his expressions and excellent body language. When you are looking at the screen, its only Chittan that you could see, Vikram just doesn’t exist in the film.

My brother said I think this movie will get him national award... I was just quite.

Films are a medium of entertainment ,are they not, I see life every day, therefore if I pay money and sit in one dark corner of a theater , I prefer to isolate my self from the rest of the world for next 3 hrs and watch something that , I will never get to watch in real life.. that’s exactly how I used to feel, isn’t that what a film is suppose to do to you, weave a fairytale around you and take away your worries for those 3 blissful hours – Wrong!! that’s entertaining cinema at best, responsible cinema- I guess not, if that film has not changed you in anyway by the time it gets over, its pointless and a wasted medium.. entertaining, definitely but Value Driven –absolutely not.. its not that I have something against the escapist cinema, I have been bought up on a staple diet of such films, but once in a while I love watching the multi layered film with a social message , because they are reassuring , telling me-“Son! all is not lost we still exist, outnumbered and lurking in shadows of so called mainstream film, but we are alive.. so have some faith!!” Films communicate to me and I have learned to listen to them.

PithaMagan was a film which very cleverly walks a razors edge between the thinking mans Cinema and film for the masses, and succeeds in doing so.

Moreover it also reminded one more beautiful lesson of my life.. That is

Dont Judge Me If You Dont Know Me!

Part 92: A break after breakdown

I don’t know when I feel asleep but when got up it was 8am. Whatever the experience I had that early morning I didn’t share with anyone. At times it takes the worst to come first to be followed by the best. And it's hard to overcome the worst for the better. I was going through such a period I felt. Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult.

Somewhere I started to feel like there is challenge in front of me. May be a crazy thought you might feel.. And it was to clarify my doubts.. Till those moments I did not know the way but then I had certain thoughts on my mind.

To get some where u never been.. you have to do something you never done!!

But I cannot immediately start towards my goal. I had to make sure even after all those incidents that the path that I’m heading is the right one because each day is a new canvas to paint upon. I had to make sure that my picture is full of life and happiness, and at the end of the day I should not look at it and wish I had painted something different. So I decided to take the much needed break (emotionally) especially after that breakdown.

The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it!

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Part 91: The door of memories would never close!

I just closed my eyes.

‘I should not cry. Yes. It was his wish.’

‘Kenny! A word to say.. A word to hear.. Even in your absence, I feel you near. My feeling is strong. Hope it goes along. We’ll get connect and I will be waiting for that moment till heart goes on…I don’t know on which faith my heart stays, but keeping the promise on the pain, which is reflecting in my eyes, this friendship will be much more deeper than love. Don’t forget, if you get hurt the other one will feel the pain. If you smile, the other one feel happy.

Kennedy (Kenny) ! You are my inner soul’s kannady(mirror)!

The people who know the true value of feeling will understand the language of eyes. Even if we see someone in our dreams we feel like we met them. The sky too cries for pure love, affection and care but the people think it as just a rain.

I hope you are not one among them. Almost after 17 years I cried for someone and it was for you! Yes, you made me to shed tears through your struggle, through your pure child heart. You left an unforgettable touch through your genuine character in my heart.

I hate stars and celebrities but it was the simple yet great human being within you made me your fan. I used to call the fans, especially the blind followers as losers but today I’m proud to say I admire you. I admire the simple yet great human being in you. I don’t know when we meet but as I promised I’ll surely come to see you and meet you face to face. One day the other. Very soon! And I’ll not let you know that why I came. I will not tell you. Anyhow I know you may not even have a minute of time to listen to my words because you are a star, nah, today? But don’t forget. I am not coming to meet a star. I’ll come to meet the simple human being. I’ll come to meet my Kenny, the ordinary person, in an ordinary way and will see how extraordinary you’ll emerge in my view point, in our face to face meet. Let me see whether you can understand the language of eyes and tears or not. I don’t expect anything from you. My affection, love and care will be unconditional. I’ll spend my time to understand you but until we meet each other I am gonna judge you as I normally do with others. But when we are going to meet each other only the time can tell.

Time!!

‘Time’- the costliest thing, which could never be purchased by anyone or never going to come back. So, when someone spends it for you, it just shows the depth of care that they show on you!

In my life it is much more special- the time! I want to clutch it but it’s running out of my hand.

In our life most of the time we don’t give importance to time. The people who give importance or know the true value of time are in three categories. First one the people who want to achieve or reach something in their life. Second one, the people who have got special call from someone special. The third one is the combination of first two. I was in one among these three categories. Exactly which one? Leaving it to your imagination.

It’s 6.15 a.m.

I returned home and just closed the door.

Though I had closed the door of my room, I knew, the door of memories would never close!

How much I missed my special friend no one knows. Each minute were passing like year; and I was remembering the memories of my special friend in silent tears!

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Part 90: I’ve a reason for me to change… And that reason is you!

It’s really difficult to say or explain to anyone how blissfully I spent my most memorable hours with him. It is simply astonishing to think how, through play, merriment and other activities; he gave me the most exalted confidence and molded my life without my knowledge. Meanwhile wherever he got chance he did not forget to pull my legs. He played such pranks on me, the devil.

I wish if I could rewind my life’s line in tape and go backwards in time when I spend with him.

‘Oh lord, one piece of iron is in the image in the temple, and another knife in the hand of the butcher; but when they touch the philosopher’s stone both like turn into gold.

I understood my lord. I am not so stupid to not to realize the fact. Really you have blessed me beyond my imagination and expectation. I am content! I know it was none other you my Kannayya( dearest name for lord Krishna)who came in the form of Kenny to save my life and to bring the turning point. I understood what you wanted to inform. I understood my lord but I was a stupid who was wandering for ghee, keeping butter in my hand. Yes, I was blind. Totally blind who could not realise the truth. I was a fool who did not even offer food for you. You had to ask!! Oh lord, please don’t look upon my mistake if I worship you for the fear of hell, burn me in hell, and if I worship you in hope of paradise, exclude me from paradise, but if I worship you for my pals prosperity, please grudge me not by reaching their vicinity’ I just prayed with my lord.

I stood before him and held him by his hand in a very emotional mood and passed into an ecstasy.

‘Oh friend! Today I’ve given you my all and have become a penniless beggar in front of your great character. But still while loading at my empty palm, my eyes are ready to shed tears out of joy and I am becoming highly emotional for the first time in my life. Do you know why? So far I had everything but still lost everything. But today I’ve nothing. I am nothing but still I have got everything. I have a reason for me to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new and that reason is you”

Suddenly I don’t know where it was, but such a painful spasm within my heart for few seconds, appeared. Such a pain like someone was taking out the whole strength out of my body. Very difficult to control. It took few seconds for me to come back to my normal position.

Okay! Now I am okay. Recovered. Ufff!

Sorry, friend! I forgot you out of joy. Don’t remind me that I forgot you. Okay?

A tear appeared and the pain reflected in my eyes. Why? Shhhhhhhh!

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Part 89: An angel in human form?

‘Was it proper that you should come so late? Should you not have even once thought how I was waiting for you? Hearing continuously the idle talk of selfish people, my ears were about to be scorched. Without having anyone to whom I can communicate my inner most feelings I was about to burst.

Please come back, Kenny! I am alone. Please come!! Where should I give a call? My tired eyes are still searching for you. Do you know since how long I was waiting for you? Why did you go away from my eyes? It looks like whole world is far away from me. I have become a wounded bird that cannot fly how I can reach unto you? Please come back.. I am alone.. All alone.. Please come back!’

And so I went on whimpering but no use. I understood.

A million words won’t bring him back, I know because I have tried, neither would a millions tears, I know because I have cried!

People come into our lives and walk with us a mile, and then because of circumstance they stay a while. They serve a need within the moments that move so quickly by, and then are gone beyond our reach, we often wonder why. God only knows the reason that we meet and share a smile, why people come into our lives and walk with us a smile.

Now I could identify him as the person as I have seen in my vision. His words confirmed what I had thought and seen and known about a person in my visions. I knew it’s not possible to explain him my years of waiting for him.

But that was the day when I met a special person who entered my life in the oddest of ways!

The impact he had was immense inspirations of happiness and promise filled my days!

When he was with me, at that moment all the world seemed right!

His positive influence brightened my life, the thoughts of him turned darkness to light!

I met a special person who seemed like long lost friend!

A spirit bounded to me in my dreams, left the togetherness I never want to end!

It was the day when dreams and expectations started to overflow!

The future brought promise and hope, making me smile inside and out for the entire world to know!

Till today I don’t know whether this incident is something my mind’s whim made up or it actually happened but I cannot seem to shake this picture of this happening out of my mind.

But it was the day when I met him!

A marvel at what god has done; his creation is an angel in human form!

A wonderful person called Kenny aka Vikram!

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Part 88: He, not only entered but also left his foot print!

The next thing I knew or remembered was that I was on the soil. Thinking and worrying about him I didn’t even notice the tiny rock that was in my way. It took just few seconds for me to come back to my normal position and my eyes once again turned towards him.

‘Oh my!! Where is he? So soon where did he go? Might be hiding somewhere behind any rock.’ I looked all around. No he wasn’t there.

‘Oh, Kenny! Please tell me .Where are you?’

Nobody was there to answer.

‘I may be far from you but will be always there with you!’ His words were echoing in my ears. It was almost half an hour search; I did not leave a single place. I searched almost each and every possible way and possible place. I could not find him anywhere.

‘Oh my god where is he? Just till few minutes back he was here and now? What I am seeing or what I have experienced? Was it just an illusion? Or whim of my mind? No never. How it could be? Still that babyish face, that smile, that touch and those words were fresh in my mind. I was absolutely nonplussed and thought; was I completely insane? Why should I other wise spoke in that strain to him, who was really stranger to me.’

Excuse me. Was he really a stranger? In those four hours , which I spent with him, I laughed like I never cried, loved like never hurt and lived like there is no tomorrow. Those were the moments when I entirely forgot myself when I was with him. I never allowed anyone to enter my heart as a pal but he, not only entered but also left his foot print!

Footprint!!!!

I ran near the place where we spent all those moments just sat down and observed….Vision was not so vivid that I could clearly see his foot prints!! That means he had come to visit me?To save my life!!! To change my decision!!!

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Part 87: ‘I was exactly in search of you!'

‘Just in one view you became a guest of mine! Just by saying few words you became a world of mine! In fact being with me since many days these people could never became a friend of mine. But being far away from me how you became a heart beat of mine?’

I was looking for the answers in him.

I just closed my eyes for few seconds.

To view the scenes within the remembrance, we don’t need eyes. To hear the words within our memory we don’t need ears.

There was a lengthy silence and I heard the voice clearly ‘Being near is not the meaning of being close. I may be far from you but will always be there with you!’

Yes. I could feel. Very promptly my heart thuds.

God’s blessing may come as a surprise and how much we receive depends on how much we believe. May we be blessed beyond what we expect?

Yeah. I could feel it.

His words assured me that my original vision about him was true. It was only after a struggle between my intellectual pride on the one hand, and in the other the personality of him, which was a centre of an inspiration without an ego, and of love without a touch of selfishness. I forgot all other things, completely merged in that thought alone.

The words, which were vanished from my mind since many years finally flashed in my heart.

‘I was exactly in search of you!’

I felt assured that who he actually was, and began to evince towards him with an intense affection and out of abounding love for him, the like of which I never showed or felt towards anyone else in the world so far, I opened my eyes.

Oh my! He was moving back with open arms and smiling. Looks like that it was his message. I just tried to move but could not. I felt like my legs were frozen. He was still moving back.

‘Hey, Kenny! Wait! Listen to me. Where you are going? Wait’, I shrieked almost but looked like he had to go. I don’t know when my legs moved, I rushed towards him.

Hey! Looks like he is playing ‘Catch me if you can’ game.

‘Hey, Kenny! Don’t hurry. Be careful!’, I was worried about him as there so many rocks. Yeah .I was worried about him. He should not get hurt!

I just knew I would catch him somehow but I was worried that he should not get hurt in that game. I just knew I would reach unto him. I just knew I would.

And then……..

………….

………….

SCREEEEEECCCCCHHHHHH!!

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Part 86: When everything is lost future still remains!

After few seconds silence he said, ‘Promise me, Hari! Hereafter you will never cry…promise me that you will be happy.’

‘Why?’, I just looked at face blankly.

‘Life itself is reason to smile, to be happy. Try to keep happy others. You will be happy. Try to bring happiness in other life, da .You can find happiness in yours life. Try to cheer up others. You will cheer up. When you see others being happy because of you then you will be happy. Don’t expect anything from others, it hurts you a lot but expect more from yourself, it inspires you a lot. This is true.

Don’t you think this night is beautiful? This moonlight, this nature, the sky, everything. If you think so then you will come to know that the people are really crazy who are spending this wonderful experience .in their waste sleep instead of enjoying it. Yes, enjoy, Hari! Enjoy everything. Whatever it that comes in your way. Victory or defeat. Gain or loss. Happiness or sorrow. Just enjoy! Enjoy it! Enjoy your each moments! Try to pour water to every plant, which you find in your way. Because you never know you may never get that chance again, because in this world we are here for a while. So smile. Be thankful to god for giving this opportunity.’

After a pause he continued, ‘Understand, Hari! This life is not going to be according to our likes and dislikes. We cannot put an end to life’s challenges. The rise and the ebb of sea waves are not determined by the wishes of those affected by light and darkness. We cannot put an end or say for certain that we will not lose our job, home, wealth or a loved one. We cannot prevent a hurricane, volcano, earth quake, tidal wave or tornado from bringing destruction. We cannot prevent the inevitable end to our physical life. But we can face these challenges without being incapacitated by a sense of despair.

Wisdom is choosing to swim or surf when the waves are not favouarable. The waves are not cruel or unkind to the surfer or swimmer. In fact, the higher the waves, the greater is the surfer’s joy, but more perilous to a swimmer. In the face of difficulties we develop survival skills that would otherwise like dormant, much as the sweat and fatigue of weight training lead to developing tough muscles. In fact, life would be terribly dull if everything went according to pre-written script.

Even if everything goes wrong and everyone misunderstands us, still one person cares for us, understands us and stays unflinching. Child sees the love of the mother, not only in her pat but also in her slap. Don’t view problems negatively. Look upon them as grounds in vital skills, and enjoy them even as you learn from them when you face a problem, turn your attention to solutions. Be the source of a solution to the problem rather than become its victim.

‘Can you remember those three candles, which we kindled at home?’

‘Yeah but now its got diminished. I saw while coming back’, I replied.

‘Yep, I know.. But do you those three candles were ambitious like us. First one said, ‘I’m peace . No one needs me.’ So it got diminished. Second one said, ‘I’m faith, Nobody believes in me’ and diminished. Third one said, ‘I’m love. Nobody cares for me’ and diminished. Now you tell me Hari! Can you kindle those candles again? Can we?’

‘How can we kindle when they are already diminished?’

‘Still we can’, he looked steadfastly at me. I looked at him questioning, ‘How?’

‘Yep. Don’t forget the fire within you that lasts forever! The fire of hope! Hope sees the invisible. Hope thinks unimaginable. Hope conquers the intangible. So, hope is eternal. Even if you lose everything future still remains! That’s hope! Never lose hope!’

I was just looking at him. Earlier I felt that there might be some mistake in my identification but not now.

I was realising the truth.

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